Fine 2009 is going to suck. But not as we'll all be redundant because by May with our old jobs being done by people called Marcel. It's also not going to suck because you thought that borrowing 125% on a £300,000 house was a good idea, and you managed to find someone at the bank even more stupid than you to agree to it. Nope, it's going to suck because were British and we like it that way.
4 days ago it snowed for a couple of hours, as a result of which nobody earnt any money, 5000 new small businesses found themselves at risk of collapsing, everyone under the age of 17 forgot everything they've ever been taught, and London was cancelled. Why? Because everyone failed to notice that since the year 1 we've had a little something called winter, and by some freak of nature it's gone and turned up at the same time every year since. But because nobody stuck a reminder in their Outlook calendar now nobody can leave their homes, get to work, or spell their own name, and the rest of the world is laughing at us. And the best thing? Some imbecile from TFL or some other transport agency genuinely thinks we coped really well.
But the real trick is that that's exactly what we want. We know this country's crap. We've built half a entire culture around celebrating the fact, and the other half about complaining about people who manage to do well in it. As soon as the banks realised that everybody who can count emigrated to Switzerland to save on their tax, they promptly collapsed. Resulting in everyone whinging about city workers earning too much money, and everyone else being made redundant. Well here's a thought. Who do you think was buying all those cars, pottery and first class plane tickets that all you now unemployed were producing? It's a fact of the system that the less fortunate are pretty much stuck with having to spend their lives makeing things for everyone else. And the lucky ones get stuck massaging the egos of those above them in just the right way so as to increase their delusions of their own over inflated sense of self worth.
Sure people don't need 6 figure bonuses to live, but you sure as hell need them too. Those bonuses were buying the cars you used to make, the good you used to sell, and ran the companies you used to work for, and what they didn't blow there they snorted up their noses and bought the guns Mr Dealer used to finish off the waste of the window licker who used to spend Friday night misspelling his name on your front wall in someone else's blood.
So there, it sucks now because it always sucked. It sucks because we love the fact that it sucks, and because nobody is ever likely to do anything about it because to do that costs money, and as soon as someone mentions that you all start complaining about something else you think it should be spent on. Like paying for your mistakes.
